


Touch of Silk

by elynross



Category: Firefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-25
Updated: 2003-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-25 07:49:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1639808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elynross/pseuds/elynross
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon thinks Jayne is a hero, and Jayne thinks of Simon far too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Touch of Silk

**Author's Note:**

> Written for skripka

 

 

Touch of Silk 

Note: this includes spoilers for _Safe_ and _Ariel_. Translations of the Chinese terms used are at the bottom of the story. 

The whole gorram day had gone wrong from start to finish, and all Jayne wanted to do was get back to his bunk where he could put his _jing tzahng mei yong duh_ head down and hope he slept solid. Three nights full of strange, stimmy dreams mixing up Serenity, the Ariel fuckup and some weird things with Simon which Jayne tried -- unsuccessfully -- not to think about made for an uncomfortableness that stuck with him during his wide-awake hours. 

Mal might of let him live, but he sure hadn't forgiven him, suddenly decidin' it was time Jayne did some of the filthiest, most back-breaking labor he could dig up, including cleaning the cow shit out of the bay until it sparkled like it ain't never had. He was filthy and tired as he stumbled down the passageway, and colliding with Simon Tan as he came out of his _fai chai_ sister's room didn't help his steadiness or his aching head. The doc himself was the last person Jayne wanted to set eyes on, standin' there all cleaned-up and pretty, wearing one of those pansy-ass vests of his that looked slick to the touch and worth more than Jayne probably saw in a year or more of work more honest than this _say fai tsai_ had ever done. 

Just the sight of him filled Jayne with stabbing confusion, with odd feelings of guilt and shame and a botheration he blamed on that powerful hit Mal made with his little attention-getter and his own near escape from the airlock. He shook his head as flashes of dream came back to him, sending a jolting heat through his crotch. 

Simon himself looked tired-eyed, but happy, probably gettin' up to somethin' Jayne didn't want to know with that weird-ass sister of his. He snarled and pushed Simon off with one hand while he held the other to his treacherous head. " _Haahng-lan-heui!_ Can't you even watch where you're goin'?" 

Simon stumbled back against the bulkhead, but instead of responding in kind, he just steadied himself and looked at Jayne in open caringness. The immediate apology on his face took Jayne by unpleasant surprise. Usually the doc was too busy shoving that _piao liang_ face up his own ass to apologize to anyone. "I'm sorry -- I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you okay? You don't look well." 

What he saw in those dark eyes was like days ago, when Simon had fancy-talked about him in front of the whole damn crew, making him out to be some kind of hero, thinking Jayne had fought to save their lives. Stupid _ta ma duh hwoon dahn._ Nobody'd ever looked at Jayne like that, and he wasn't sure he liked it. Or mayhap he liked it too gorram much. The thought sparked the anger waiting just under the surface. 

Simon didn't seem to notice, and he stepped closer, looking up at Jayne with that pissant doctor's eye of his, putting a hand on Jayne's arm. "You really should let me examine you. I know you refused after Ariel, but if you'll just come to the lab--" 

"Get your hands offa me," Jayne snarled. "There's nuthin' wrong with me a coupla drafts and some bunk time won't fix. I just wanna get back to my hole and sleep it off." He pushed past Simon, but Simon's voice followed him close behind. 

"Look, River and I owe you our lives--" 

Jayne turned on him savagely and enjoyed the fact that Simon pulled back. "You don't owe me _nuthin'_. Nuthin' at all." 

"I know we haven't always gotten on -- you haven't wanted us here, and I don't blame you--" 

"God, don't you ever just shut that *(pretty)* mouth of your'n? Is that what all that education teaches you, how to bore people's ears right off their heads?" Jayne's head was pounding so hard he could hardly see beyond Simon's shocked face. 

Simon finally took the hint and backed up. "I'm-- I'm sorry, I just--" 

"I didn't do nuthin' but save myself, and I don't wanna talk about it no more," Jayne bit out savagely. 

Jayne turned back around -- and ran smack into the Captain coming up from downbelow. Jayne held back from shoving him the same as he had the doc, biting down a few choice words. He darted a quick look at Simon, and Mal caught it, looking back and forth between the two of them. 

"Is there somethin' goin' on as I oughta hear about?" He included them both, but Jayne knew who he was looking at. He felt another wash of shame and resentment. 

"I never--" he started, but Simon spoke before Jayne knew what he was gonna say, stepping between them as if Jayne needed defending. His head pulsed violently. 

"No, Captain, there's nothing, we were just--" 

"Then act like it." Mal turned to Jayne. "And you, you just remember what I told you." He thumped Jayne on the side of his head, right where the wrench had hit. 

"Ow! I didn't do nuthin'!" 

"Then why are you standin' here? You finished all the rest of that stuff, there's plenty more to do if you've got time to stand around in hallways botherin' people." He headed off down the hall. "And why are you still standin' here?" he called back over his shoulder. 

" _Ding Lei go fai_ ," Jayne muttered. 

Mal turned to look at him. "What did you say?" 

"Nuthin'," he said sulkily. 

"Seems to me you got a whole lot a nuthin' to do and say. Go on doin' it someplace else." 

Simon watched the exchange, wide-eyed, then turned to Jayne as Mal disappeared through the doorway. "I'm sorry if anything I did--" 

"Look, it ain't about you, okay? And I don't need you stickin' up for me. Just-- Leave me alone." _Jesus God, please leave me alone._ Jayne didn't much like the feeling of begging. 

Simon just looked at him, confused, or maybe hurt, Jayne didn't know and tried not to mind. "If you hate us so much, I don't know why you bothered." 

In that moment Jayne almost fessed, almost told truth, but something held him back, and he didn't think it was anything that self-flattered. He couldn't take seeing those 'lite features changed by horror and disgust, and that bewildered him. "It was just dumb luck." 

Jayne didn't say more, thought that surely Simon realized, surely he'd figured it out, smart as he was, but Simon just kept looking at him, and Jayne almost told again, just to get him to stop. "I done told you, I was savin' myself -- and that _fong luh_ sister of yours is the one found the way out, anyway." 

Simon stiffened at that, as always taking on insults to River more than to himself. "She did, didn't she." The look he gave Jayne was more normal than any in days, and it cut like a rusty _dao_. "Fine, have it your way. I won't disturb you anymore with my unwelcome gratitude." 

Jayne watched as he left, slipping one hand into his pocket to finger the finely-woven cloth he kept there, remembering its pink and blue swirls. His calloused fingers caught on the weave, and he hurried down the opposite direction, wanting only to get to his bunk, where he could pull it out and touch it someplace where he could really feel it, along the skin inside his arm, or his neck, or down along his-- He tripped over the entryway in his hurry to get inside and shut the door. 

He took a few moments to clean himself up, stripping off his shirt, spilling water on a handcloth and scrubbing away the worst of the sweat and filth. He wasn't too sure how to clean the silk, and he didn't want it getting dirty. He was readying to strip off his pants when a low knock came at the door. He thought on ignoring it, then figured with his luck lately it was Mal again, wanting him to go scrub out the septic tanks, or somethin' like. He picked up the silk square as he went to the door. He didn't like to leave it where others could see it. 

He yanked the door open, and Simon's hand fell back to his side. In that moment Jayne knew God existed and for some reason hated him personally. He quickly stuffed his hand in his pocket, hoping Simon didn't notice. "What d'ya want?" 

Simon's eyes were distant and dismissive, familiar again. Something Jayne could handle. Not the look that saw Jayne as something he wasn't, that probably thought he was beaten on as a boy, damaged in ways he couldn't have changed, broken in ways that Simon might be able to fix, if he'd just put himself in Simon's hands, those fine, soft hands that turned up their nose at real work, that would feel like silk-- His fist clenched in his pocket, and he walked over and picked up his bottle of draft. 

"I'm sorry to bother you again, but I keep forgetting to ask. Some of my things were missing after Jiangyin, and I wondered if you'd seen a small instrument, about so big--" He held his fingers about five units apart "--metal, has a--" 

"I wouldn't even know it if I saw it. That all you come to ask about?" Jayne took a long swallow from his draft. "What makes you think I had anything to do with your missing _shee-niou_ misc?" 

Simon didn't need to say he didn't believe him. "And there was a scarf, it belonged to my grandmother. It's about ten units square, sapphire and rose--" 

Jayne turned and punched the wall. "I ain't got nuthin' belongs to you, doc, so if that's it, I'm kinda tired, here." His shoulders were tight, and he could feel Simon's eyes like a _dao_ in the back. He felt like he'd shake apart if he moved anything more than his fingers, stroking, stroking, not much caring if 

Simon saw what he was holding in front of him now. Maybe if he saw, if he got angered up, if he knew what kind of _haam sup lo_ Jayne was-- It took effort to even his tone. "I'd take it as a kindness if you'd go now." 

He stood unmoving at the wall of his room, barely breathing, until Simon's steps faded down the passageway. The soft sound of cloth tearing broke his trance, and he looked down to see that he'd nearly ripped the cloth in half. He shut eyes too near to shameful tears, trying to draw air into his aching lungs, but the walls were too close, and the room too hot. 

_Sapphire and rose_. He held it out in front of him, running his eyes along its _piao liang_ swirls. He brought it to his face, rubbing his nose into it, imagining it smelled like him, that flowery smell that Jayne had taken to 'magining all over the ship. He wondered if madness always sensed like being torn in half. He supposed he could ask the sister; it likely seemed that way for her. Maybe it wasn't the cutting up of her head, the skinning of her amik- whatever; maybe it was her brother. Her pretty, pretty brother. 

He dug a hand into his crotch until he could barely stand the pain, unable to get rid of the images from his dreams, himself on his knees in front of Simon, sucking him off, wondering what it would have been like, what Simon would have done if Jayne had turned with the cloth in his hands, if he fell to his knees and put his hands on those slim, beaut hips, sliding his hands up along Simon's belly and pressing his needy, wantin' mouth on him, hot, wet, tight. 

Sometimes he shoved Jayne away with the same horror and disgust Jayne 'magined if Simon figured Jayne had been the one to turn him in, and it left Jayne crawling and same-disgusted with himself. 

Sometimes he had that look, that pity-filled look that was harder to take than when he despised him, the one that saw inside Jayne and didn't turn away, that made Jayne crawl in different ways he couldn't escape. 

And sometimes he let Jayne do him, fucked his mouth hard, his breathing equal hard but quiet-like, hands digging into Jayne's shoulders, tightly buried in his hair, beaut hips slamming and thrusting, beaut dick sliding in and in and in and-- _Au sung diu le--_

Jayne fell to his knees, scrabbling at his pants till he could pull out his dick, thick and long and hard with needfulness, could wrap it in that silken, scouring cloth. His own breathing was noisy as he pulled with sharp, hard strokes, head back, eyes clenched shut, throat tight, so tight, squeezing his balls stiff as he came, the sharp, hot scent of jism almost overwhelming the harsh rasp of his calloused hand, his sobs, hardly muffled by his bloody-bit lip, and the soft, whispering touch of silk. 

Almost. 

* * *

Translation Notes 

_jing tzahng mei yong duh_ useless 

_fai chai_ retard 

_say fai tsai_ stupid useless stick (lazy) 

_Haahng-lan-heui_ get out of the fucking way/fucking move 

_pio liang_ pretty, beautiful 

_ta ma duh hwoon dahn_ motherfucking SOB 

_Ding Lei go fai_ fuck you, asshole 

_fong luh_ loopy in the head 

_dao_ knife 

_shee-niou_ shit urine 

_haam sup lo_ pervert (lit: salty wet man) 

_Au sung diu le_ I want to fuck you 

 


End file.
